Amor came up to London for the weekend to help me celebrate. On Friday, I cooked dinner and we went to the pub. I got tipsy. On Saturday, which was absolutely glorious, we went for a really long walk in Richmond Park and along the river from Richmond to Mortlake. We went out to dinner that evening where he met some of my dearest friends for the very first time. The food and the company were excellent. I didn’t get tipsy. On Sunday, my birthday, Amor took me out to brunch and afterwards we came home and read the Sunday papers and had a snooze on the sofa (we had wine with brunch). In the evening he cooked dinner for us. We had champagne. After dinner I took him for a walk around my neighbourhood and we had a drink in one of my local pubs. When we came home we had some chocolate cake. Over the weekend I ate a lot of food and drank a lot of alcohol. Forget about dieting. I got flowers, presents and champagne. That was the weekend in a nutshell.
It was truly the best birthday I have ever had. Reading the above paragraph, some people might think that I didn’t have an exciting birthday and that it might have been relatively tame for a 50th Birthday celebration. Well, I did everything that I wanted to do and spent it with people that I wanted to spend it with. I am not one for big parties.
The best parts of my birthday were the private things said and done between Amor and me. I don’t mean the sex, although there is that. After all, we haven’t been together very long and we are very attracted to each other. I may be 50, but I am not decrepit or dead. It is also generally assumed that if one is in a relationship then there is bound to be some sex. I just don’t need to write about it.
I can’t write about the things we said – the sharing of feelings and hopes and dreams. A special look or joke – something that builds with the passing of time. We may not have been together very long, but since we don’t live near each other, we are in each other’s company 24/7 when we spend the weekends together. We talk to each other all of the time, about anything and everything. We have said things to each other that have never been said before. I have actually found a man that can listen as well as converse. We don’t argue. I am in Gemini heaven!
My birthday is over and Amor has gone home. My son went to work and I had the whole house to myself. It was very quiet. I haven’t been used to waking up in my own bed on a Monday morning these last few months. It was very strange. I had a lot of time to think.
Where has all the time gone? My dad phoned me yesterday to wish me a happy birthday. “How does it feel to have a 50 year old daughter?” I said. He answered, “How does it feel to have a 71 year old dad?” I told him that a child expects their parents to be old. My dad is not old. He is a very active man and looks younger than his years. Must be the genes.
Sometimes I wake up not knowing where I am, and then I remember. I can’t believe that I have three children, have had three husbands, and have lived in the UK for over 20 years. I still feel like I am 28, just before I had my first child. I look at my children and wonder what happened to my babies. It doesn’t feel that long ago when they started nursery school, and now one of them has just finished University.
I thought about my Aunt today. After being alone for a very long time, she met her second husband when she was 50. I have never seen her look so happy as when she was with him. She was beautiful and one would never have guessed that she was 50. It must be those Hungarian genes again.
They say 50 is the new 40. Women don’t need to look ‘old’. We can look good at any age. A change of hairstyle, makeup and clothes is all it takes to look good these days if we want to. I don’t care about looking young. I just want to look and feel good.
I have a chance for a new life now that my children are pretty much living their own lives. At the age of 18, I had moved to New York and found a job. I got married when I was 22 – the same age as my oldest son is now. He’ll be lucky to find full time employment now that he has finished University. When he will ever marry is anyone’s guess.
I am very happy to be 50. Everything I have ever done and learned before today has lead me to this point in my life. I feel better about myself than ever before. I am more me than I have ever been. I have needed all of those years to get here.
I can be a little slow sometimes.