Usually I have no problem getting over things and moving on. I have had my share of hardship and heartbreak over the years. I have had counselling, read many self-help books, and gone to a few seminars on family, relationships and releasing on emotional issues.
It has taken me some years, but I feel that I have a pretty good grip on emotions and life in general. I am generally calm and at peace. A state of affairs that had been so foreign to me for most of my life is now the most natural state to be in. I occasionally get riled up, especially at the unfairness of things, but I can just as easily let it go and get right to the core of the issues. It doesn’t usually take long, about a minute or two. In one of the widgets on my sidebar of this blog, I have some links to techniques that I use to help me along my path. They seem to work for me. I don’t suppress my emotions. I try to experience them to the full, and then I let them go. All of them. The good and the bad, or the light and the dark to sound more positive. What used to be a huge effort and hard work now comes pretty much natural to me.
When my relationship ended at the beginning of this year, once the shock wore off after about a few days, I re-visited every technique I had learned in order to let things go and keep an open heart. After all, if someone decides that they no longer want to be with you, the other person needs to respect that decision and move on. Unfortunately, I seemed to be stuck. Some days would be better and then I would have a little bit of a setback. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I let go of wanting approval. I let go of wanting control. I let go of wanting security. I tapped on things, and I did affirmations. I sent love to the situation and I went to a relationship seminar that seemed timely (it was also free!). I felt ok for a few days and then I would be an emotional mess.
I talked to friends that really knew me. They pointed out a few hard truths to me, but I was still stuck. I laughed, I cried, I got angry. I released on all of it. I took action and painted my house and booked a holiday. Although outwardly I was ok, inside I was still a seething mass of emotions. My brain went into overload and I analysed everything. Still stuck.
While on this roller coaster of emotions for about two months, insight and inspiration would come to me in bits and pieces. You see, in hindsight, I was expecting a quick fix. Because I could normally let things go quite quickly, I expected to be able to do the same thing for this situation. I realise now that everyday annoyances are easy to let go of because they are just that, annoyances. The breakup was a BIG thing. So two months was the right time for me to get over it. By the way, two months felt a long time to me.
The techniques worked, but not as quickly as I expected. Part of the reason was because deep down I was fighting against my situation. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why my lover wouldn’t talk to me and try to work things out. Communication, one of the most important things to me, and an important aspect of successful relationships, was non-existent or completely one-sided (mine). A gem that came my way was to accept the situation before I could let it go. It was something I hadn’t tried. I hadn’t tried it because I really wanted to change the situation that I didn’t create in the first place. Once I let go of trying to change the situation and just accepted it, because that was my present, I was able to move forward. It may have been a baby step, but at least it was movement.
You see, I forgot some things while in my turmoil. I forgot to go with the flow and be in the present moment. I thought I was, but not really. So, a little video would come my way and remind me of something I had forgotten. Or a blog post would end up in my inbox, or a post from a friend on Facebook. I was getting little messages from The Universe about things I knew but in my busyness I had forgotten and needed reminding.
When I was on holiday recently, I had no choice but to be in the present. Memories and feelings would surface and I would welcome them and then let them go. Although I was busy, there was plenty of down time in-between. I experienced kindness, generosity, beauty and hilarity. I saw familiar faces and made some new friends. Although I wasn’t ready or looking to start something new, by the last day of my holiday, I finally felt that could be a possibility for my future.
When I got home from my holiday, this book was waiting for me:
A friend of mine (an Angel) recommended this book, but it hadn’t arrived in time for my holiday. Not that I would have had time to read it anyway as I was fairly occupied. Well, I have the time to read it now. I am about a third of the way into the book. It is reminding me of things I had forgotten and also teaching me something new. I am hoping that when I finish reading the book, I will have an understanding of how to be completely free and at ease with all aspects of who I am and to move in the world without fear, of anything – especially anything to do with emotions. I think that I am already on the road I need to be on. I am open to new things and moving forward without fear or worrying about outcomes. I am following my heart wherever it will take me and for however long things will last. I am learning to have more compassion for those around me. We are all trying to do the best we can with the information we have at our disposal. No one is perfect. I am learning to walk with an open heart and to keep an open mind. I am learning another way of letting go and to go with the flow. If that isn’t pretty wild, then I don’t know what is. 🙂