This will be the last post on healing my heart. As some of you may be aware, I had a sticky start to the New Year. I did everything in my power to accept the situation and move on, but it took a couple of months. Looking back, a couple of months does not seem like a long time, but when you are in the middle of an emotional crisis, it can feel like a lifetime.
It has been said that time heals all wounds. I agree. I have been wounded many times and I’m still here. Having a holiday and being far removed from my everyday existence also helped me put a few things into perspective. It forced me to live in the moment – something I try to do and am usually quite successful at these days, but had a hard time doing when things were sticky although some days were better than others.
I started a journal as I didn’t want to publicly express my feelings at the time, or couldn’t or wouldn’t. Since then, I read somewhere that a journal usually gets started during a crisis or emotional upheaval. Funny how that works, as I have started many journals in my time, and then when things improve I stop writing in them. This time was no different. I don’t have many entries. I was so busy and started writing in the blog when I was feeling it was a good time to share. I went to a relationship seminar and learned a thing or two about what I need and want, and I spoke to my friends. I learned in the seminar that therapy has become a substitute for friends or love. We pay to have people listen to us because we either don’t have people that we can really talk to or have listen to our pain or we don’t trust those around us. Well, this time I talked to friends, and it helped. I felt loved, even if the one person I was in love with didn’t want to be with me anymore. The holiday helped. I talked to more friends and made new ones. By the time the holiday was over, I felt healed.
This picture I took today sums up how I have been feeling the last few weeks. I feel calm and serene. Full of hope, joy and possibilities. Don’t you just want to jump into that water? Doesn’t it look inviting? That is how I am feeling. If I dive inside my heart, what will I find on the other side? It has been said that still waters run deep. That is how my heart feels right now. Still and deep, yet full somehow. Something happened to me in the last few weeks that I don’t understand, but I feel so open and full of possibility. It feels kinda wild actually. Must have something to do with this book that I am reading that I wrote about. I am being in the moment and accepting everything about myself; the good, the not so great, and the stuff in-between. Something unexpected is happening to me that I didn’t think would happen for a long time and it feels great. So, onward and upward. I am healed! Hallelujah!!
By the way, I went back to the Life Drawing classes I started a few weeks ago. I enjoyed the first class, the second not so much and was thinking I was rubbish at life drawing. But I tried again and this time we had a woman. She was a great model and I am very happy to say that I actually enjoyed myself and feel I really got her. Here is a peek!