Going Solo

2011 started with a crash.

Not only have we had extreme weather around the world, we have also been a witness to political unrest.  A lot of damage was done, but hopefully some good will come out of it.

And then I had my heart broken.  I didn’t even see that one coming.  I am not going to go into the details, as the why of it is nobody’s business.  But then, I still don’t really know what happened and what the why of it is.  What I will say is that the first three weeks really sucked.  I didn’t know how to shift the lead weight sitting in my solar plexus.  I had no real closure.

In the meantime, I had to get on with life.  So I decorated, danced, booked a holiday, and sent off my CV to various agencies.  I played happy music that I could sing along to while I painted my house.  I met up with friends and did the things I normally do.  The worst thing was telling people I was now single when they asked about Amor.  The look of surprise and pity was almost too much to bear.

By the end of  week three, I started to feel a bit better.  I no longer had that lead weight in my solar plexus.  I was starting to see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.  You see, instead of fighting against my feelings of anger,  disappointment, sadness, hurt and fear, I welcomed it all and sent love to him and the situation.

I wrote him a letter to tell him how much he meant to me and to thank him for coming into my life.  After all, it was the truth.  Better to end on a high note rather than with bitterness.  I am incapable of switching off my feelings for the person I had been loving for nearly two years.

After five weeks I have a bit more clarity, though not much understanding of how two people, who so clearly love each other, ended up apart.  Sometimes love really isn’t  everything.

In the midst of mourning the demise of my relationship, I received an e-mail for a free Relationship Seminar from The Essence Foundation with Dr. Menis Yousry.  I had been to one of his seminars a few years ago and was  pleased at the results, therefore I took this to be a sign and a gift from The Universe, so I went.

I am not going to try to explain what happens at these things, but what I do know is that I learned a lot about myself and that I was not alone.   I learned that a successful relationship is based on four essential ingredients: Acceptance, Need, Gratitude, and Balance.  Need is not a dirty word.  It doesn’t imply neediness.  It is a requirement, like needing food or water.  People need to feel needed.  We need to know there are people in our life that we can count on, to be there for us.  We also learned that we should trust our feelings and to sometimes take a risk.  This is all practical information.  Sometimes we forget and need to be reminded occasionally.

We also need to communicate our needs and desires at the risk of being rejected.  How often do we let things build up by not taking a risk to say what is on our mind and in our heart at the time?  I have been guilty of that for many reasons.  It isn’t always easy to ask for what we want.

So, here I am at another new beginning.  This is week six, one of my lucky numbers.  I have gone with my  heart and have taken some risks.  It is time to take some more and see what life has in store for me.

I am going to try new things, like drawing and painting.  Here is a painting I made today.  It is called ‘Open Your Heart’.

I started some others yesterday, on Valentine’s Day.  My first foray into painting with acrylics.  This is my way of healing my heart.  Hearts are going to be a theme for me for the time being.

So I am back into the land of blogging, maybe not with a vengeance, but just to remind everyone that there is life after a broken heart and another new beginning around the corner. 🙂

A Year in a Blog

It is amazing how quickly time passes.  It has been one year now since my first attempt at blogging.  I hope that my blog posts this last year have been marginally entertaining and somewhat informative.

I had started the blog for two reasons:  Firstly, to keep my family and friends up to date with what I have been doing, and secondly, to find a voice for my writing (I’m still working on that one).  I can rest assured that my family, friends and others are aware of what I have been doing with myself this past year.  There have been a lot of changes afoot.  I think the key words for me this past year have been change and patience.

One minute I was happily managing an Architect’s practice only to learn that our practice was closing down.  Eventually, I get a job as a retail therapist at a fraction of what I had earned before.  I hadn’t worked in retail since college and that was only part-time.  I learned a lot more about women and how they feel about themselves with regard to clothes.  That was a real eye-opener and had given me a huge insight into how women think they should look and how they feel about their bodies.

Another minute I was happily single and then I met someone and fell in love.  I am now happily with a partner.  If anyone would have ever suggested it would happen the way it did, I would never have believed it.

I have done a lot of things I hadn’t done before.  I have learned new things.  I have been to new places.  I have made new friends.  I have also lost a family member and I have re-connected with family I hadn’t been in contact with for years.

Looking back, it seems that for every loss there has also been a gain.  In fact, there have been more gains than losses, so I am ahead and doing rather well.

I have also had to learn patience.  I am still unsure if I have actually learned it.  I am not a patient person.  Things don’t always move at the speed that I would like them to.  I am action woman and very pro-active.  I sometimes wonder what lessons I am supposed to be learning while The Universe is making me wait for things.  Maybe I am supposed to be more trusting and realise that things always work out for the best?  They have so far!

I am really looking forward to the next year as there are even more changes afoot, places to visit and new friends to make.


Going on Vacation with Amor

I am going on vacation with Amor.

This is the first vacation I have had with a man in over 5 years.  I am sure that we will have a great time, but there is a tiny little part of me that is slightly apprehensive.  You see, my best vacations have been when I have gone away on my own.  When you are on your own you can do what you want, when you want it.  No conferring.  No compromising.  You just do whatever takes your fancy.  When travelling by yourself, you are never really alone if you don’t want to be.  My last holiday in Sevilla, the week before I was made redundant, was fantastic!  There were a few times that I thought it would be nice to have someone with me to share a particular moment, but the feeling quickly passed.  I don’t think I would have had as great a time or met the people I did if I was with someone, especially if I had been with a man.

Having dancing skills has been a big boost to the quality of my holidays.  It now gives me an extra something to do in the evening rather than sitting alone in my hotel.  I can pretty much go to any city and find a dance venue [Tango, Salsa or Ceroc (Jive, etc)].  I don’t even have to speak the language.  Dance has a language of it’s own.  It is another way to get exercise and meet new friends.  I met some lovely people in Sevilla through Tango.  ‘Habla español?’  ‘No mucho, pero hablo Tango.’

We are going to the place where we met (I was on my own and had a great time).  Amor has been many times since we first met.  In fact, this will be his third trip so far this year.  He knows a lot of the people that work in the hotel and dive center.  I don’t know anyone.  I am not so sure who has the bigger advantage.  There are times I like to be invisible.

I will not be taking my laptop.  I will take a diary for notes, my mobile for emergencies, MP3 for my Tango music and my camera.  I have my mask and snorkel and the new fins and boots that Amor bought me for my birthday.  The rest of the kit I need to hire and I really don’t need to pack much clothing.  It will be very hot and a lot of time will be spent underwater.  There is no Tango dancing where we are going.  That doesn’t bother me.

Amor is going to be my dive buddy.  I couldn’t be in safer hands as he qualified to be a dive master when I first met him.  He is going to be my leader and I must really pay attention to him, sort of like in Tango.   The only difference is that this could be a life or death situation.

Maybe he ought to be apprehensive instead of me?