2011 started with a crash.
Not only have we had extreme weather around the world, we have also been a witness to political unrest. A lot of damage was done, but hopefully some good will come out of it.
And then I had my heart broken. I didn’t even see that one coming. I am not going to go into the details, as the why of it is nobody’s business. But then, I still don’t really know what happened and what the why of it is. What I will say is that the first three weeks really sucked. I didn’t know how to shift the lead weight sitting in my solar plexus. I had no real closure.
In the meantime, I had to get on with life. So I decorated, danced, booked a holiday, and sent off my CV to various agencies. I played happy music that I could sing along to while I painted my house. I met up with friends and did the things I normally do. The worst thing was telling people I was now single when they asked about Amor. The look of surprise and pity was almost too much to bear.
By the end of week three, I started to feel a bit better. I no longer had that lead weight in my solar plexus. I was starting to see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. You see, instead of fighting against my feelings of anger, disappointment, sadness, hurt and fear, I welcomed it all and sent love to him and the situation.
I wrote him a letter to tell him how much he meant to me and to thank him for coming into my life. After all, it was the truth. Better to end on a high note rather than with bitterness. I am incapable of switching off my feelings for the person I had been loving for nearly two years.
After five weeks I have a bit more clarity, though not much understanding of how two people, who so clearly love each other, ended up apart. Sometimes love really isn’t everything.
In the midst of mourning the demise of my relationship, I received an e-mail for a free Relationship Seminar from The Essence Foundation with Dr. Menis Yousry. I had been to one of his seminars a few years ago and was pleased at the results, therefore I took this to be a sign and a gift from The Universe, so I went.
I am not going to try to explain what happens at these things, but what I do know is that I learned a lot about myself and that I was not alone. I learned that a successful relationship is based on four essential ingredients: Acceptance, Need, Gratitude, and Balance. Need is not a dirty word. It doesn’t imply neediness. It is a requirement, like needing food or water. People need to feel needed. We need to know there are people in our life that we can count on, to be there for us. We also learned that we should trust our feelings and to sometimes take a risk. This is all practical information. Sometimes we forget and need to be reminded occasionally.
We also need to communicate our needs and desires at the risk of being rejected. How often do we let things build up by not taking a risk to say what is on our mind and in our heart at the time? I have been guilty of that for many reasons. It isn’t always easy to ask for what we want.
So, here I am at another new beginning. This is week six, one of my lucky numbers. I have gone with my heart and have taken some risks. It is time to take some more and see what life has in store for me.
I am going to try new things, like drawing and painting. Here is a painting I made today. It is called ‘Open Your Heart’.
I started some others yesterday, on Valentine’s Day. My first foray into painting with acrylics. This is my way of healing my heart. Hearts are going to be a theme for me for the time being.
So I am back into the land of blogging, maybe not with a vengeance, but just to remind everyone that there is life after a broken heart and another new beginning around the corner. 🙂